0 Grief and Loss Never Take a Holiday

By Joshua Reiher, Medical Student

Reviewed by Claudia Reardon, M.D.

The holiday season is in full swing. This time of year is meant to celebrate life, love, family, and friends. However, the holidays can also be difficult, especially if you or someone you know has lost a loved one. Maybe you are grieving the loss of a grandparent, parent, child, sibling, spouse, friend, or pet. Loss is a normal part of being human, and we will all face it at some point. Other causes of grief that you may not have considered:

• A loved one suffering from severe mental illness


• Divorce or breakup after a long term relationship


• Miscarriage during pregnancy

When a person experiences loss, he or she is said to be grieving. Grief is a natural emotional and physical response to any loss.

• People feel a wide range of emotions such as sadness, anger, disbelief, denial, guilt, loneliness, regret, anxiety, acceptance, and many others.


• Physically, people may undergo weight and/or appetite changes, decreased energy, lack of concentration, disturbances in sleep, loss of interest in sex, headaches, and so on.

Grief is a personal and individual experience—no two people grieve the same way. There is no one right or wrong way of grieving as long as it does not lead to behaviors that harm yourself or others. Bereavement is the period of time a person goes through grief following the loss of a loved one. Bereavement varies in duration and intensity, but it can last a year or longer in some cases.

Everyone is different, and reactions to loss are influenced by many factors such as:  

• Cultural beliefs and religious traditions


• Access to support and community resources


• Relationship with the person who left / passed away


• Personality and mental health history  

When to ask for help

While coping after a loss is painful and challenging, most people eventually find effective ways to heal and return to their daily life activities such as school or work. Some people, however, have more difficulty with recovering from a loss, and their emotional and physical symptoms do not improve. They may develop a psychiatric illness called depression. If you are concerned about yourself or someone you know, there are many treatments available including:  

• Talk therapy


• Community support groups with other people who have similar experiences


• Medications such as antidepressants

Additional resources to consider:

• Mental Health America: Coping with bereavement


• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: How to deal with grief


• American Cancer Society: Coping with grief during the holidays

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0 Thanksgiving – the true spirit of this holiday season.

By Roberto Blanco, M.D.



I love Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday of the year. Each year my family gets together to catch up, share quality time and make plans for the future. Leading up to the holiday season this year, however, I had been feeling less than excited about the holidays. Having become accustomed to my daily routine, I found myself searching for a way to escape that monotonous, empty feeling.



So, this year, in celebration of Thanksgiving, I began a list of gratitude: 100 things for which I am thankful. This is not a list of wants or obligations that we create for ourselves - a Christmas wish list, a list of New Year’s Resolutions, or a ‘Bucket List’ (a list of things to do or see before you die). It is a celebration of that with which you have already been blessed. On my list included things like having my health, living in a country with tremendous opportunity, and being able to spend time with family.



Nobody’s family, financial, or personal situations are perfect. For evidence of this, just look at the personal lives of celebrities. And so it’s not surprising that many people can get down during the holiday season because it often reminds us of what we don’t have or didn’t accomplish. This often leads to feelings of emptiness or longing that set the stage for self-destructive situations.



Many individuals take what they have been blessed with for granted and don’t truly appreciate what they have until it’s gone. If you have ever lost something dear to you, you understand this adage all too well. This year, let’s try not to make the same mistake. This year, let’s focus on what we have rather than what we don’t.

Detail: Thanksgiving – the true spirit of this holiday season.

0 Holiday Anxiety

By Jeffrey Borenstein, M.D.



As we begin the holiday season, people have hopes and perhaps expectations of an ideal holiday. Time with family and friends, time off from work or school, plans to travel – but the preparation and anticipation is often stressful. While some people may experience feelings of sadness this time of year, often people experience anxiety.



Family gatherings – both large and small may bring up memories and emotions which have been on the back burner but which now result in a higher level of emotions. The holiday season is also a busy time, juggling usual work/school/household activities with holiday preparations. With time off from work and school, our usual routines are interrupted, which is an additional stressor. All this can result in feelings of anxiety. What should you do?



Most importantly – step back and realize what emotions you are feeling. If you are experiencing heightened anxiety, there are steps you can take. I was interviewed for a New York Times article that may be helpful: “Easing Anxiety in All It’s Forms.”



Excessive drinking during the holidays is also a problem for many people. Some use alcohol to help with their stress and anxiety, and those with alcohol problems are particularly vulnerable. Instead of helping, drinking can do the opposite and make you feel worse.



To help you cope during the holidays, make sure you get adequate sleep, make sure you exercise (and walking counts), and share your feelings with friends or family. If you begin to feel overwhelmed and have difficulty functioning, you should seek professional assistance. Most importantly – realize that you are not alone. Many people experience holiday anxiety. Accept support from family, friends, and if need be professionals.

Detail: Holiday Anxiety

0 What do the holidays mean to you? It’s how you frame the question.

R. Scott Benson, M.D.



Thanksgiving seems to be the one time a year we can get a national focus on family and sharing with others. And before we finish that pumpkin pie everyone seems to start working on the next holiday which comes in different names in different cultures, but typically involves gifts. In the Santa tradition the focus is on what will he bring me.



But then we realize that is not the real meaning of the holidays.





A tool from cognitive therapy might help at this point, reframing. Reframing involves recognizing distorted thinking and focusing on other thoughts that reflect the reality that we want.



Let’s try an example. Typically we ask children “what do you want?” and later we ask “what did you get?” And these are the questions that define the meaning of the holiday season for them.



I don’t think that is the meaning we intended. So we can try a different approach. And it takes a lot of practice. In working with children or in my community I try to start the conversation with “What have you been thinking about doing for your mother during the holidays?” Or “What do you think your brother would like this year?”



And after the presents have been opened I ask, “Who really liked the present you gave?” And always in this era of instance messaging and Tweeting it never hurts to ask “Have you started on your thank you notes yet?”



Well? Have you?

Detail: What do the holidays mean to you? It’s how you frame the question.